Disgusted...

with myself for letting our apartment get so god damn filthy.

As I write from my living room couch there are dirty plates sitting to my left, newspapers all over the floor, shoes everywhere, emtpy cig packs at every turn and don't even get me started on the kitchen or bathrooms...let's just say that I will be throwing some things away that have been "growing" on me the past couple weeks rather than washing them because they are that digusting. I have probably around three or four bags of trash to put out and Hannah is just sitting here next to me probably thinking about how much of a slob I've been this year. I've just grown kind of numb to everything lately and so has Billy. It's like we're both trying to avoid responsibilities at the moment.

I ended up not going to see a movie afterall this year around Christmas, mainly due to lack of time, sleep, and money honestly. I have so many bills to pay and working two jobs is already starting to wear on me a bit even though it's just been two weeks so far and I'm supposed to do this for at least six more months! Its really cut into my poker time as I expected to happen but even now when I have some time off I just find myself too tired to even play for an hour. I'd rather veg out on GTA4, the pool game in particular is addicting. I love videogames and I hate to admit it but I've noticed that in the past few years whenever I would lock myself away to play videogames for hours on end it usually means one and one thing only: I'm trying to ignore something that's more important. In this case, for right now I think I've been avoiding the cleaning, the bills, the everything that's so damn depressing that I've just sorta zoned in on GTA4 lately as a way to "get away" from it all. It makes perfect sense since I don't smoke weed or cigs, nor do I drink myself to sleep-I just play games (or eat) to get the same effect. I don't think I get like that all that easily but I know that I'm incredibly stressed right now, and I don't know how it started. It's probably a good thing James and Thinh aren't in town right now or I'd be hanging out with one of them instead of doing some proper cleaning or doing laundry or whatever else I know I should be taking care of because I just don't feel like doing ANYTHING lately and that's why everything is so damn filthy and I can't stand myself for letting this happen but I'm so tired all the time, I don't drink coffee or energy drinks but I'm finding myself having both a lot lately just to do something.

Here's to a better year in 2009 in case I don't post again before then. *cheers*